Managing Relationships

Managing Relationships

Once you get a few regular girls going and a rotation established, inevitably one of them is going to want to have "the talk." Often this is in the form of the question, "Where is this going?" Here are some strategies for managing this conversation




Attacks
At some time, a girl may pressure you to have a committed monogamous relationship with her. Think of this as an "attack", similar to an asthma attack. It is a temporary thing that you treat and it goes away, but comes back (Listen to Meatloaf's song Paradise by the Dashboard Lights for a great example of such an attack)

Always, these attacks have a source. Something is happening in their life, or someone is inspiring them... friends, family, coworkers. Just a simple question like "do you have a boyfriend" can set one off.


She wants to set a negotiation frame
I want this, will you give it or not?

Our goal is to make this less confrontational, and definitely not a negotiation (I was literally asked, "Do you want to fuck other girls or be with me?!") We want to talk about her emotions instead of talking about a deal

Girls in general don't have the self control to stick to the plan, and don't think well on their feet, so you can control the frame in the direction you want it to go. This is because they think emotionally


Validate her feelings
That is a valid question
I hear ya
OK, OK

Hey, how are you doing lately?
How are you feeling?
What's making you feel good?
What's making you feel bad?

Once the girl starts talking about her feelings, she will spill the source of the attack. Girls have little self control in this regard


If the source is a friend, discredit the friend and her methods
Sometimes friends will make a pact that they are going to get boyfriends together, or agree on a course of action that they will both follow:

So, let me get this straight, your friend is trying to get a guy into a monogamous relationship by forcing him, twisting his arm… what do you think that does emotionally to the guy? Makes him want a relationship or run the other direction?
Is that working?
Is it effective?
Is she drawing him closer?
Is your friend an expert on relationships?
Is she very successful in her relationships?

It doesn't sound like she is getting what she is looking for?
It sounds like this girl maybe doesn't know what she is talking about

When asked if their friend is successful in her relationships, girls will always throw friends under the bus and say no

This is really funny when people do this. They give each other ultimatums, and it just forces them apart

You can't force anybody to want something they don't. Have you ever had a guy try to force you to like him. How do you feel about that guy? You feel he is pretty pathetic. I never want to be that guy

She will go back to her sources, and she needs to feel positive so she can go back to her sources and win them over



Depersonalize the issue
Make it more of an intellectual discussion of the subject, as opposed to a direction negotiation. This could go on a long time

Many people have a hard time making a long distance relationship work
(De-personalize it - many people, not everybody, etc...)
Not everybody finds those to be satisfying
What's your opinion on long distance relationships?

Never let her get to the point where she says, this is what I don't like about you/me


Establish points of agreement
At this point, you may have established a few points of agreement. Emphasize those points you agree on (don't even discuss things don't agree on)

We agree:
* Its fun to experiment in life and date around
* These weekends we have are amazing because we look forward to them, and when something is rare it is valuable - it is more exciting this way
* Long distance relationships can be challenging


Connect with her emotionally
I value the weekends we have. I look forward to them
Now we have an emotional connection, which is what women are really after

Now jump right in and ask, when are we having another one of these
We need to get together and reconnect (women love to reconnect)

She will go back to her sources, and she needs to feel positive so she can go back to her sources and win them over


Make a decision about keeping her in the rotation
Another attach is inevitable, but now there is a plan to manage them
If the attacks are too strong or too frequent, you can decide how you want to handle it... You've come a long way in developing your game and have options