Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Expanding your sexual comfort zone

I recently had an email exchange with a member of the 30/30 Club about my How to Get Your Girl to Do Crazy Shit post. If you haven't read that post, reading it now will provide context to everything below

Here is a snip from that email:

Hey Dude

I loved your post about one of the crazy things you did with your girl (getting her to take her panties off in bathroom then bondage stuff later).



I assume it's massive amounts of experience + good imagination but just wondering where you go for inspiration for such things?

I'm sure I can find stuff in looking up dirty stories online but I wouldn't have thought of trying something that extreme until you posted it. Much like not believing pickup until seeing a demo.


Hey man, I'm glad that post inspired you

I think the underlying question here is how do you expand your sexual comfort zone. Your assumptions about experience plus imagination providing inspiration are pretty spot on

I built up my level of sexual comfort over time. I remember the first time that I spanked a girl while doing her doggy style. It was really weak sauce, and it felt really uncomfortable, but now it is pretty standard for me. One of my introductions to dirty talk was with a girl that yelled out "Who is your little cum slut?!" while we were having sex and it shocked me so much that I literally stopped moving for about 10 seconds, and then I said in a cracking voice, "Uh.. you are?" Haha, that was really weak

I never really watched porn or read any stories, so most things came together as I tried to intentionally expand my comfort zone. My mental list at the time was that I wanted to do anal, tie a girl up, and have a threesome. The NIN concert from my blog post was my first time using bondage tape, but since tying a girl up was something I had thought about, I had looked up what was available on a sex toy website to get basic ideas

Walking through a well stocked sex toy shop would be a pretty good way to get a feel for what is out there, especially the more risque ones. I used to live in a gay neighborhood, and a lot of the shops there have full leather gear with whips and spanking paddles, nipple clamps, etc... stuff that I've never really gotten into, but you can see what others are into as far as fetishes and then see if it is something that appeals to you. Walking through the DVD section and just looking at pictures on the boxes of anything fetish related might bring up some ideas too.

You can also try "normal" sex in new places... bathrooms, in a park, cars, on the beach, anywhere really

From there its mostly imagination... anything is possible. Pick something you want to try and go for it. Take the things you like and expand on them, and then pick the next new thing you want to try. This combination of experience and willingness to try new things is really powerful. The girls you are with will love being with a confident experienced guy that keeps their sex lives interesting

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